God’s Grace in Uncertainty

 

My pancreas flared up and I was back in the emergency room at 1am last Wednesday.  I remember the pain coming on and saying, “not again”.  Pain is something my family has become quite familiar with.  I won’t bore you with the details, actually they were not boring at all.  But the truth is the pain did not last as long as the last time.  It has taken a third of the time to recover.  They did find a genetic disorder in a duct that comes from the pancreas and have referred me out for endoscopic surgery in San Francisco.  Hallelujah!  They believe this may be the cause but cannot say one hundred percent.  I was put on Dilaudid, a narcotic drug that binds receptors in your brain (that can’t be good for you).  During my hospitalization I could not think straight, the drug made everything uncertain, a cloud in the head.  I could only do things for short lengths of time, watch tv 15 minutes, read 15 minutes, devotional 15 minutes, you get the idea.  Prayer worked, but my soul struggled with uncertainty.  The drugs messed with more than just my head.  I remember being uncertain, apathetic, bored (hospitals are not like theme parks).  My great salvation and grace during this time was Jesus.  The drugs stripped away a lot of things, but the simplest denominator, the foundational promise – Jesus would never forsake me – lived in my mind and soul, it echoed through my heart.  His presence is undeniable.  In general I advise people to look at life with a clear head, but there are times of uncertainty when you should look at life with the faith and grace of Jesus Christ.  He is our hope and promise in pain and pleasure.  For me He came in the cloud of uncertainty brought on by Dilaudid.  God’s grace carried my through the uncertainties.  I hope this was clear to you, if not, it may be the drugs.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Psalm 46:1

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